My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
