how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
