Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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