There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I think I just sharted jello shots
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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