She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
