Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
