well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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