She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
