My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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