call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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