i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
