I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
