you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
