The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
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