i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
