how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I AM VODKA MAN
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
