I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
