found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
