so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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