See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
we should paint friendship bongs
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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