At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
