Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
