Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
