even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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