every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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