woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
