Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
