It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
