Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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