Im at strip club and am horny
this beer tastes like vomit already
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
