Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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