I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
