I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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