I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
