When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
