I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
