You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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