If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
