my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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