so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I want a musical about memes.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
