I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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