Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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