I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
