It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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