my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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