I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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