Cold hands, warm shart.
there's paper in my vomit.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
