the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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