FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
