she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
