sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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