It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
