No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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