You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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