youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
