I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
