i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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