i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
